Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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