the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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