Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
