Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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