so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it glows. i had to have it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
