that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
