quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
