I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
