i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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