My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize