haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
