i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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