so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
