The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
