It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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