in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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