For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
