For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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