I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
