i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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