how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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