Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
