He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
