The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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