Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
