I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
