i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
