she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
