I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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