can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
