It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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