Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
