One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
