Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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