Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
