I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think your dad took our porno
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
