I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
