Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
