that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
