When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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