Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
