We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
