You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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