He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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