oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize