From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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