Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
