I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
