He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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