You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
