did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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