my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
