addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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