I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have fence marks all over my body
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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