oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
