If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
