My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
