new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
