I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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