how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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