I think I am morally bankrupt
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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