9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
